medical laziness

I was diagnosed with Hasimotos disease way back when i was 9. At this point there was only 3 people diagnosed with this condition in my country (New Zealand) and oddly enough the other two were boys!

Mum first thought something was up when she noticed a goiter. Before long i was on thyroid medicine. I speak of this from my experience only. I am not a doctor or a medical professional.

Hasimotos to make a long story short is what causes 80% of "hypothyroidism" cases. Which is an auto immune disease that attacks the thyroid gland and doesn't allow it to do its job. The thyroid is a butterfly shaped gland inside your neck.


What is the thyroids job?

It regulates temperature, metabolism, brain function, weight, skin moisture, energy levels and a host of other things.
Basically a low thyroid makes you depressed, lethargic, and more than likely overweight. And as you can imagine a high thyroid (hyperthyroid) causes the opposite effect.

I have had this condition so long, that i have learnt to live with feelings of fatigue without really knowing what it is like to live without them. I have been through pregnancy, childbirth, and many life changes.

Thyroid disease is a life long issue. And requires ongoing maintenance and check ins. But it is manageable.

I spent a good portion of 2014 off my medicine. It was the first time in years that i had gone so long without a dose. BAD IDEA

Before long i was freezing cold, and could never get warm. I was getting hardly any sleep. My hair began to thin. My skin thickened and dried out. My voice became husky. My eyes were always red and felt so dry and gritty. And i was always exhausted. It was hard to lift my arms, and all i wanted to do was lay down. My face got puffy, and i put on 20 lbs. My memory faded, and i had struggles even doing my day to day routines.

This was a huge wake up call to me. I got my medicine sorted, and am currently tweaking my dose. I have begun getting serious about researching new developments and ways to eat that benefit me. The internet has been an invaluable resource.

If you suffer from thyroid disease or think you do, seek medical advise you are not alone.

New years blues

The last few days have been somewhat intense. Not all from a negative perspective. My husband had his own revelations about himself and our relationship and some good things were discussed. Making the drunken evening prior a lot easier to digest.

New years is always one of those times we tend to get dressed up, drink and celebrate the year past and the year to come. For me though the last few years have been very challenging! And 2014 was at times brutal.

High notes-
I got a promotion.
got back into my youtube channel
senior pics
got to expand my networks
began new friendships
worked with Manual Villegas (celebrity makeup artist)
had various professional makeup opportunities
my folks came to visit from australia

Tougher moments-
My thyroid got really low and wreaked havoc on our lives
Teenage children (need i say more)
Australia sick (homesick)
Hubby and i had some rough patches
house fire
minor indoor floods and corresponding damages
terminate damage
no more pets :(

there was probably more in both the good and not so good moments, but you get the idea.

ANYWAY, during my years reflection
I have come to the conclusion, life is simply a series of moments and none are truly good nor bad. They are simply whatever we perceive them to be. There will always be something going on, and its how we choose to see it, attach or detach to it, and what emotion we add to it that determines its value. Isn't it so much easier to add extreme negativity to something that seems not good than it is to be ecstatic over something great?

My focus this year is to stop emotionally attaching to the outcome of events and circumstances. I want to simply enjoy everything as it is, in that moment. Understanding that nothing is neither good nor bad in my life until i give it that title. That everything serves its purpose and that life is about learning and applying the knowledge of those lessons. I can learn to enjoy all things, even the things that make me sad. For there are those things that are here to bless my life and give me much joy. And there will be things that are sent to grow and challenge me to be a great mother, wife, friend and leader. And its in the recognition of this fact that will enable me to find joy, when there seems to be none to find.

2015 is my year of renewed perspective!

the $1500 shutdown

I wish I had a rational explanation as to why I feel so annoyed, and hurt. It’s not like he has cheated on me, or ever done anything worthy of my feeling this way….i just do. It’s frustrating and overwhelming. My husband has been gone with his buddies for 5.5 hours and counting.  He has text me several times and called me twice to let me know his time out is going to be “extended”. Again I have no reason to feel all the things I do inside, but a part of me just wants to cry. I can’t figure out if it’s just the woman in me, or if something more.

I worry …I know that my husband only drinks two things; long island iced teas, and Guinness. And after our last few texts I know that he has had his share. Maybe it’s because I have always had a total disgust for drunkenness in my partners unless I am drunk myself (shallow I know, but I have my reasons) or maybe it’s because I am scared of what might happen…I just don’t know.

What I am scared of most is NOT how I feel right this minute…but how I will feel once he comes home. What will become of those feelings then? What will they tangibly become? Will I make him sleep downstairs? (I have work, and he snores at the best of times, let alone when drinking, but is that the real reason?) Will I be a bitch to him? Will I ignore him? Sighs, I just wish the feelings did not exist to begin with. Everyone deserves a night out with their friends, maybe I would have been better about this if I had been prepared for this to become some big night. Maybe it would be easier if it wasn't a work night. I know how my husband feels when it’s a work night and I am out late. Sighs I thought writing this would ease my mind, but instead I just feel more anxiety.

I don’t know what will make it better. And I fear for how I will feel as each hour passes…I know I am not being rational, but the heart feels what it feels, and I can’t help but ask, why? There must be some deep rooted reason we feel the way we do, when we do.